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I'm so behind in like, life.

I have to write a 6 page script by Wednesday.  I have to do ten-ish weeks of computer lessons like, yesterday.  I have to start working on that paper thing that's also due on Wednesday.  And I probably have some other homework stuff to do at some point.  Not to mention that I have to talk with an advisor about switching majors, which will probably include an interview for the department I want.  Since when did my life get so freaking busy?

Plus there's the fact that I've been going up to New York every weekend, which means two overnight bus trips per week, which means my sleep schedule is so messed up it's not even funny.  It's kind of ridiculous.  And I have a job up there now, which means I'll be traveling even more.  I don't mind it, because I love my job and I love New York City, but it's just SO insanely busy and tiring.

Aaaand I was supposed to beta read someone's fic by Sunday and start writing two stories on Sunday.  That didn't happen.  I feel like the week just ran away and left me chilling here, thinking I have all the time in the world.  Then I get sucker punched with a giant "OHAI IT'S THURSDAY!!" sign.  Ugh.

Time has never passed so quickly.  I feel like my life is slipping away in front of my eyes and that I'm completely wasting it.  I'm in the wrong department and possibly the wrong school... again... and I can't seem to find time to finish anything.  I have a job in the wrong city, but it's a job I've always wanted and it's perfect.  I could have a life in New York, but I don't have the money to move there.  Plus I need to finish school, which isn't gonna happen until I figure out what the hell I want to do with my life.

If Point Park doesn't let me change my major, I'm taking a semester off.  I'll take classes as CCAC and get a full time job (Borders, please???) and travel up to New York a lot.  I'll find a school that will let me do theatre and try for the internship at the Benedum Center.  I'll go to one of those two-year schools if it comes down to that, just so I can get a real job with real benefits and a real paycheck.  And then once I'm in the working world I can try again and get involved in theatre, even if it does mean moving to New York City.  At least I'll have more options then.

I tried talking to my mom about it, but she's too focused on keeping me close to home to give me her honest opinion.  I feel like I'm wasting all my tuition money by staying in school and changing my major every other day, but she's paranoid I'll never go back if I take time off.  She's also paranoid that I'll move to New York without a job and without a plan, which is not going to happen.  She just doesn't realize that this job is what I've been waiting my entire life for and I want to dedicate everything to it, but that can't happen if I'm here in Pittsburgh.  There are no puppeteering jobs in Pittsburgh.  I need to go to New York if that's ever going to happen.

I dunno.  I'm just tired of screwing myself over by going to school for something I'm not going to end up working in.  And if this means going back to school for English and getting a teaching degree, then whatever.  If it means going to a 2-year school and ending up in health care or in some office, then whatever.  I just need to have some sort of goal to focus on that will actually get me somewhere.  I can't stay in school for the sake of staying in school if I have no clue what I'm going to school for.  That's just a waste of money that won't get me any closer to graduation.

UGH.  I just need a break from life.  I want to just go to sleep for about a month and not worry about anything.  Or maybe just leave school and get a job and make some real money then go back after figuring out my life.  Forget the stigma attached to a 2-year college.  People have made careers for themselves out of that, and if it's not good enough for my mom, then too bad.  I just want to be done with school NOW and be able to get a stable job somewhere and live my life without constantly traveling and worrying about what's going to happen when I graduate without any hope of finding a job.

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December 2010


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